Are You Ready For Change?

Change is a law of the universe, it’s inevitable, with every passing day we are growing and changing in some form or the another. The harsh reality of life is that nothing is constant and changes sound scary because of their unpredictability and uncertainty. Most of us want to sit in our comfort zone and that is not wrong, being afraid of change is never wrong, It’s a part of human nature. Now the question arises then how to change? How to grow and how to absorb change and Why should we be comfortable about change?

Why are we afraid of change?

We bother more about the outgrowth of change. The unpredictability provides food to our fears of losing or left behind. We stay more in our core beliefs or the experiences of our past. We forget the most vital thing, that life is uncertain – the probability of having good is equal to the probability of bad. No matter how much we say we are optimistic, as soon as we hit changes, our pessimistic sides start coming up. We keep rethinking about the consequences. The constant fear of losing comfort and current luxuries starts revolving in our head.

Why we should not be afraid of change?

If we will keep ourself trapped where we are, we will never be able to figure on what’s next and what should we do in future. If we will not fight our fear we will be chained where we are. Some of us are in a toxic stage in our career/ relationship but we don’t try to move on because of the fear of having a more toxic future. We have to except that every chapter of life has to end.

How to Overcome Afraid of Change?

1. Stop flowing with the stream, create your own path. Don’t be casual and don’t live with the idea of flowing with life.

2. Realise life doesn’t end here, there is a lot more to go, and the future of your life doesn’t depend on one decision of life, Stop listening to people around you, you are the only one who can change your destiny at any part of life.

3. Nothing is permanent and perfect, accept yourself as you are. 

4. The people around you are merely players, they don’t have a major role in your story. It is you who have to be a hero in your story.

5. The story doesn’t end on failure, the story starts from failure. Make your failure your starting point to success.

6. Don’t relate your life with other people experiences. You are different, so is your life and so your story will be. Their outcome was the results of their inputs. Your inputs and thought process is different just like you.

Writer’s Tip -Whenever thoughts like ‘what if you fail’ crosses your head, think about what if you win. When thoughts like ‘what if you fall’, falls in your head, think about what if you rise. Every success story starts from small tiny risks.  Beat the scary haunts of failure in your heads, Be the hero of your story.

 

 

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The Problem with Expecting life to be fair

“Life is not fair. Get used to it” – Bill Gates

Every morning we wake up with a hope of having a great day but half of the time it doesn’t go as planned or meets our expectations. When it doesn’t go as per our plans we feel remorse and wonder why life is unfair to us? Yes, the problem starts with expectations of hoping life to be fair with us, Sooner or later, we start founding the grass on the other side greeners to our’s because we think life is only unfair to us. The questions like -“why me? Why this always happens to me?” starts floating to and fro in our head.

As we all know, not every side of the coin can be head, in the same way not every phase of life can be rosy. The problem with expecting life to be fear is -“Most of us start living in our own realities of life and that is what makes us upset when things don’t fall in place. We keep on applying all the permutation and combination or all probabilities to make things happen for us.”

I was having good grades in college so I always expected a good first job for me but I hit the harsh reality when I could not even clear any of my first 5 jobs interviews. I become very discouraged and lost all my hopes and expectations by the outcomes but very soon I realised I am not hurt because of my failure, I am hurt because of my expectations. The key to a happy life is not EXPECT but ACCEPT what we get, As soon as I realised it, I started working again. Yes, I achieved my results late but they were better this time.

“Nowhere on your birth certificate did it say life would be fair” – Trevor Jones

Acceptance and the realisation of thing gives us the strength to make peace with the situation. Life isn’t fair and we have to deal with it, the most important key to achieve it is accepting instead of expecting and not making any prior assumptions of the outcome. The comparison is another roadblock, we let it steal our joy be assuming that another person is happier than us. Although the truth is, everyone has their own challenges and everyone is fighting their own battles. Not all of us can win a tournament because everyone is participating and by the law of fairness, everyone deserves to win. The universe runs on its own rule and no one knows them.

“Life is like a wheel on a road which can’t be balanced all the time. There would be some sharp turns and ups and downs which will make the wheel unbalanced but that too to keep moving without any breaks. The same goes for life, as it becomes a little unfair to keep you moving ahead. Life can’t be fair because it does not need to be. A little unfair life would make you the person you were meant to be. So, crush your expectations, enjoy both sweet and bitter syrups of life. “

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How to Stop Overthinking?

Most of us are dwelling back and forth in the memories of past and worries of future. With rising stress, we start feeling lonely, frustrated and depressed. At that time, we just want to pack your bags and want to run away from that place. Is it with me or Are you facing some problems? Let’s start finding a solution to it because obviously we can’t pack our bags and go somewhere, ultimately our this job is earning bread and house rent for us, we are bound to it to fulfil our goals.

Stop Blaming And Forgive Yourself

Let’s us move step by step to overcome this challenge of life. Many of us are locking ourselves in the chains of regret and guilt because of the choices we have made in the past. We are continuously blaming ourselves.  You are human and humans are bound to make mistakes. Maybe your decisions are worse than others but this is your life you cannot spoil it based on some decisions.

“Imagine you are walking on the subway with a cup of coffee but suddenly you hit a pole because of the crowd and end up spilling half of your coffee. So, now will you keep the regret of half spill coffee throughout the life or will enjoy the other half of life, This is the same as Life, Do you want to end another half of your life regretting about the mistakes you made in the first half of your life”.

It’s the time to forgive yourself and work on a better version of you.

Overcome fear Of The Outcome

I always had this issue of overthinking and analysing about the future, I keep on analysing all the permutation and combinations of winning in life. Sometimes, the fear of losing and not fulfilling my goals made me upset or make me panic while reaching my goal. In fact, The whole world has seen ” The God of Cricket – Sachin Tendulkar” at his nervous 90’s, so who are we, everyone can have that fear but do you realise that our this fear often stops us from reaching our goal. So, don’t you think, you should stop putting yourself in this hot water?

Choose Between Belief and Reality 

As a kid, I was very scared of ghosts, some of us are still scared of them. Do you remember the last time when you saw a horror movie and you were a little terrified while sleeping at night and you felt that there can be a ghost in your room? Although, you are aware that there are no ghosts in real but still it haunts us. This is what belief is, some of us overthink about our beliefs which may or may not exist. We leave the door of reality and choose to live in a room of belief.

Keep Yourself Busy 

It’s a very old saying -” The empty mind is the devil’s workshop”. Free mind welcomes a number of thoughts. Keep yourself busy with work, goals, friends or whatever you like. There is a number of options available these days to keep yourself busy which may also help you to enhance your skills, you can join some courses you like or watch some web series.

Share Your Heart Out–

Share your thoughts, problems, guilts and problems with someone you trust, sometimes it makes us feel relief. Generally, I pen down my thoughts to release myself from the burden of thoughts.

Writer’s Tip – If half spill cup of coffee affects you so much then buy a new cup of coffee for yourself. Create a world which keeps you happy, you have all the rights to change the things which don’t keep you happy. A world with your choice of office, job, apartment, song, party, person, friend or city which makes you feel happy.

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Respect Women!

This post is not to raise the flag of “FEMINISM”. “Women are not a commodity and deserve respect” is said by every FEMINIST but there is some more which is required for women to maintain it’s status and self-respect in society. This post is trying to explain the fact with certain incidents, There are few incidents which made me write it –

  1. Last day, I was talking to a friend and he said-“ I don’t trust girls at all, They are “Gossip Queens” and gossip about everything“. With his statement, I gave myself food of thought who do I know who gossips and I realised – Yes, there are some of the girls who are gossip queens and there are some of the boys who are gossip kings. The crown deserves to both the genders, why do we think that this trait belongs to this particular gender.
  2. Similarly few backs one of the people I was talking mentioned – “Women doing jobs is the reason for increasing divorces in India because with the job they don’t have time to look after their home and family“. Moreover, as they are empowered they found it very easy to take divorce and settle their life of their own. Well, I think the reason for divorce these days is the growth in society, these days they people don’t tie themselves in an abusive, toxic or insecure relationship. It has nothing to do with women doing the job.
  3. Last Month, I was travelling in the metro, two women’s boards into the metro, one of them were carrying the baby and one was a fit and fine youngster, there was only one vacant seat. The fit women ran and grab the seat then one man stood and gave the seat to women with a baby but none of the women stood up to give her the seat. Why we use gender as a ticket for not helping others, I have seen many similar incidents, there are few of us who will leave our seat for old generation, pregnant ladies or the ills. Why do we raise the flag of Feminism when we don’t help each other.
  4. As a kid, I have been always hearing this “Women is the enemy of women” which I soon realised was very true, I have seen a lot of women judging the lifestyle, dresses, job schedule etc of other women and then we expect not to be judged. Before stopping any man from doing this why don’t we stop this among ourselves.

Equality and respect are important for any gender, everyone has a right to get it not only from the opposite genders but from the same gender as well. Let’s make society a better place to live in.

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Be Yourself, Everybody Else Is Taken…

New Year is on the verge of hitting us, everyone is heading toward a new year with zeal, enthusiasm and new resolutions. Each one of us has different plan and expectations for the coming year to be happy. Yes, some of us are lying lazily on the bed and saying no we don’t have any plans but deep down we all hope for something good. Here is one such plan – “What if we choose to be what we are this year, what if we decide to live every coming moment as we are.”

Of late, a lot of people are parroting others and what they see on social media. We really chase other’s success and envy their life but what if it’s just a mirage and that thing is not going to make us happy. It is really good to idealize or follow someone footsteps but becoming some other person, forgetting your own personal identity is a bad idea. Most of us, think a lot about what society will say, what our friends are going to think before making any decision of our life. Many of us choose our life profession, life partners, hobbies, outings, clothes and even words on the thought process of society. Every other person we meet says – “Society is a hypocrite, so we have to do it”, but who makes society. If each one of us is so upset with society why we(each one of us) don’t try to become what we are, the society will in itself become a better place to live.

At end of the day, what all matters is, “Are you happy?” , “Can you sleep peacefully at night?” Thinking about what society will say only burdens us with unnecessary thoughts, frustration, depression and you tend to make decisions that you’ll probably regret later. Being yourself gives you the opportunity to make you explore yourself and realise what keeps you happy, without being judged. It kills the fear of society and it’s perception. You don’t have to worry about their opinion on you because it doesn’t matter. This is your life and you only live it once. Make every second of your life count. You may receive your victory cup a little later but that would be your journey, receiving success in someone else journey will give you smile just for a few seconds.

The day you meet “God of death”, you can say I might have done some bad deeds, some sins, some mistakes but I try living every moment who I am and that actually made me count some good moments of my life, that kept the human in me alive. Therefore, despite all the bad stuff I am sure, I would have ended up doing something remarkably good. 

“It sounds so simple, but if you just be yourself, you’re different than anyone else” 

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What Is The Power Of Words?

A word is the smallest element that can be uttered in isolation with an objective or practical meaning. Words are the source of magic and capable of both causing injury and remedying it. Words can be used as constructive or destructive, with words we can attain power, make people laugh, create joy and destroy hearts.

A politician, comedian, writer and many more are growing because of the apt use of their words. There are numbers of song lyrics, poems, dialogues etc which touched our soul or changed our perception at some point of time in life.

  • Choose Your Words Wisely

According to some polls, whatever we deliver impacts our mind, positive statements develop positive outset and vice versa. For example- If you keep on saying to your mind – “I am alone”, it will make you start feeling lonesome and anxious.

Using negative words -can’t, shouldn’t, won’t, fat, lazy, sleepy makes you look negative to the world and especially to you yourself, find out the positive of these words. For example- If you are not able to do some work, instead of saying- “I can’t do it, I need more time” say I am doing research on this and it’s under process or just tell the approach you are following to that task.

When you whine about life or other stuff, people perceive you have a problem with everything which may not exactly be true. Who do you like most – “The people who compliment you and tell you about interesting happening stories or the people who always bitch about others and complain about life”. Choose who do you like?

words

  • Don’t Let Your Words Hurt Others

One of my friends used to narrate me with a story- “Once upon a time, there was a Tree outside of a big house, the owner of the house was very upset with the tree because it used to block the sunlight into his house, Frustrated owner cannot cut the tree because of “Save Tree” rules of the town. The upset owner used to utter ill words to the tree everytime he passes near the tree. As a result, after some days the tree falls itself. There was no rain, no thunder, no strong wind and the tree fall itself because of owners abusing. ” In the same way, our words are equal to the sword and capable of killing someone. There are many people out there in this world who are a victim of mocking, body shamming and criticism because of the words we choose for them. Many of them are under depression and many are thinking of suicide.

Writer’s Tip – Your words can do wonders in the world. A long back, I read- “Compliment one person every day, It’ll make their day”. This is one of the things, I do daily and it really does wonders.

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Your Positivity Can Turn You To The Happiest Soul…

“Your Positivity can turn you to the happiest soul” – I wrote this quote when I was in 10th grade(2010) but could actually realise it’s meaning this year. Have you seen some people who are very positive, smiling, cheerful and always full of energy? I always use to wonder how those people have a magnetic personality and I get magnified or attracted to them always, now I realise what enchants us is their positive aura. Moreover, I always wonder why we humans are always attracted to negative thoughts, negative deeds and have a negative perception towards life.

I believe universe actually reverts us what we are – “If we are positive we attract positivity and if we are negative then we attract negativity“. The universe always gives you what we desire and how we behave. “Life is like a boomerang, Be ready to catch what you throw”. With a positive mindset, we can find a solution to every challenge of life without disturbing our mental health. Whilst negative thinking or a negative attitude will turn into a negative situation. Moreover, people with a negative mindset finds the problem with every solution even if the situation is in their favour, Remember as a kid, you always felt that there is more food in your sibling’s bowl that was just your negative attitude. The negative attitude will always make you feel that grass is greener on the other side and you will be deprived or miss out what you actually possess in your life.

Your attitude always influences people,  a good attitude always results in good interactions at the interview, work, social gatherings etc. As I mentioned above, positive attitude and talks have very enchanting and magnetic feature while your negative attitude will always put you in trouble, make you lose your calm and you will find yourself trapped in the chains of frustration, depression or aggression. I have seen a number of people blaming luck as soon as they encounter mishap because of their negativity but maybe luck is just giving them a better chance to move towards a better path.

You can overcome all the roadblocks with your positive attitude. Try to find ways to build happiness and positive emotions into your life, Do whatever makes you feel positive –  hitting the gym, meditation, writing, travelling or singing. We are addicted to our thoughts. We can not change anything if we can not change the way we think. Each and every coin has two faces, try to look for the rosy face of every situation. Stop overthinking and comparing yourself with anyone out in this world. Avoid negative people and stop feeding negativity to your soul, it will make you weak and unhappy.

It all begins and ends in your mind. what you give power to, has power over you if you allow it.

Positive

 

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A GENERATION THAT “NEVER SETTLES”…..

“We are lonely, hopeless and desperate for love” – “F.R.I.E.N.D.S”

With the tagline of mobile phone “Never Settle”, our’s the generation which has stopped settling for anything. My father has always told me – “His generation used to believe in settling for what they have, they wanted to earn their livelihood, were ready to compromise and live peacefully with one or few people” but our generation wants to earn to expend and always want to explore more opportunity.

We are the generation exploited by impatience, rapid technological growth and lack of planning. We are running for materialistic possessions, we lack steadiness and want instant food, instant money transfer, instant hook-up partner. We are creating a fake world around us, let’s name it a world of “SOCIAL MEDIA” or “SHOSHAN(exploit) MEDIA”, everything we do revolves around the people of this world and what we all try is to please this world without even knowing what we actually want. In fact, we are selling our peace of eating, travelling or living a moment because of this world.

  • We thrive for numbers – “Numbers in bank accounts and numbers of followers“. With numbers, I know a person who had 10k followers on Instagram and committed suicide, no one was aware of what the reason was, so basically we have people to talk to but we don’t have people who can listen to our battles.
  • Secondly, The generation of late 80’s and 90’s have seen technology growing with themselves, that’s why “We are the generation who are stuck between superstitions and technology“. We have grown from the era of love to tinder, with the era of groups of friends in summer vacation to Facebook, from photo albums to Instagram, from an honest smile to Whatsapp smilies. So basically, we are still confused in between, what we like most among them two. We are still confused between our love for mountains or the fast pacing city.
  • Most of the youth are living alone, they are so much into their independence hence they fear commitment and compromising their space. On one hand, they want to love and on other, they have trust issues.

One of my psychologist friends says – Some are under pressure because their parents bully them by comparing them to others, some are in a war of jealousy and race of being better with their surroundings.
Writer’s Tip – There is no hard and fast advice to come out of it but we should try to clear out the clouds of confusion and create a real world where we don’t feel alone as soon as we put the cell phone on the table. Try to come of out of this world – “Travel more and click less, love more and think less, smile more and tweet less, build trust more and judge less”.

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IS ANGER REALLY BAD?

O mighty anger where will you take me...
On the mountain of success or to the roads of joy..
O mighty anger where will you take me..
In the world of smiles or to the fountains of peace...
O mighty anger where will you take me...
In the ocean of my dreams or to the purpose of my life.. 
O mighty anger where will you take me..
Uhmm... Are you going to break me? --Tushita

From Kindergarten to date, the only constant thing in my life was anger and frustration. It’s very difficult to write on such a topic after being a short-tempered and impatient person but I really want to write about how to deal with anger and what I learnt from the crucial hit of life because of my low self-control.

The anger is fueled as soon as you feel deceived and realised that the situation is going beyond your plans, the people are not following what you have predecided and what you have expected from them. As soon as that situation encounters, you start losing control over yourself.

Why Anger is not bad ???

  • Anger is just another feeling like happiness and sadness that makes you realise if you are truly alive and have feelings within you
  • Anger makes you realise what are the wants of your life and what do you dislike
  • Anger motivate you to move towards changes, your goals, desires and dreams
  • Anger helps you to put forth your thoughts clearly and be defensive in the worst situation when it is actually required

Have you watched “Angry Birds”, how in the end they turn their anger into good and success to save their’s place?

If anger is not bad then what is ???

The consequences of anger are actual devils – the outbursts, yelling, jealousy, violence, aggression, hating ownself, physical attack, self-hampering or harming the objects around us. It also includes the words that you shout which you actually don’t mean but they harm things and make you lose your loved ones or people close to you which later results in regrets and guilts, then you lose your calm for having that guilt and falls in the trap of vicious cycle.

How to control your Outbursts?

  • Anger is an acquired trait that you procure from your surroundings which can be parents, friends, the people you interact with, some past or childhood bad experiences. So, first and foremost parents should keep their children away from such a negative environment, secondly you should keep yourself away from such a situation.
  • Control your outbursts, don’t respond immediately to any situation, I know it’s easy to say but difficult to do, so it’s better to just walk off from that spot and if you can’t do this then try deep breathing, think about some happy moments, starts checking your phone. You have to hold that sudden trigger for a few minutes until everything will be normal.
  • Of course, you can never stop this feeling because this is a part of human trait but think twice before getting frustrated whether the situation is worth to lose your mental peace, think twice if that person, dilemma, fear is going to affect you after certain years of your life. So now, If your answer is no then its not the time to lose your calm.
  • Have proper sleep and take small trips to new places, if this has been a long-term issue then take a break from office/school/college/home whatever the situation is which is making you frustrated because nothing is more important than your inner peace.

Writer’s Tip – As soon as, I start losing my calm, I say to inner me- “Are you so weak to handle this circumstance? Is this really matter to you? If you are going to lose your patience here then it’s your inability and I know you are not incompetent so together we are gonna fight this and be cool as we are.” Sometimes, I even go to the washroom, watch some funny pet’s videos or dance for two minutes. Crying in the washroom is so overhyped, let’s try dance. Trust me, It works like a miracle for me.

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