Finding Yourself!!

Of late, everyone is seeking the meaning of true happiness. In the fast-paced life of today, we have definitely reached the success of era, but the question that has always travelled in my mind from school to college to job is “What is True Happiness?”.Was it scoring good grades in school? Having fun in college? Working and earning hard in the job? or a lazy life. Four months back, whenever I used to look back at my life, I always found nothing, nothing means nothing much except some good scores. Once, I read an article saying ”When we die, we see a visual clip of seven minutes as a summary of our whole life” which raises a consciousness in me, “What would I see in the visual clip?” Honestly, it was very boring. We have just become machines, bookworms or work worms. I don’t support becoming lazy, skipping work, piling up the things. I believe in living for yourself, live for what you like, love what you do.

I wanted to be a writer but I did B.Tech. 4 years of hardship with 77% for my parent’s sake, I was crying for a job matching my profile. Despite scoring high grades, I struggled for 4 months and then got placed in a not-so-good place for my talent exposure. From day one, I was sure I did not want to do this job. But since I had no other option, I kept pushing myself into it with the daily struggle of 8 AM to 5 PM. Nine hours of my life daily were not worth spending there. The work sometimes frustrated me, I tried locking up myself in the washroom and crying, but the falling tears weren’t of any help either.

Sometimes, I even imagined my future as a “manager in seven years” but still there was no smile on my face.  Although I was working hard, getting appreciation, I always questioned myself, why I am doing this to myself, why do I not search for another job or do writing, but we humans are too lazy to stand up for ourselves. We keep ourselves in hot water for this monotonous life.  The time keeps on moving and we float with the waves of time.

One day, I woke up with a severe headache. I tried to push myself up from the bed, but I fell. The fever had gripped my body completely. My roommates took me to the hospital. Next day, I woke up with a glucose drip in my hand with cold droplets moving in my blood. My parents were sitting beside me, with lots of medicines. I was suffering from dengue. Seven days and with a minus 5 kg of my weight on the hospital bed, I realised life is mortal, and I was still not ready with that visual clip of life. Those seven days in the hospital gave me some worst memories of people dying which made me, even more, determined to live and come out stronger and live life on my own terms. Those seven days in hospital followed by ten days of bed rest gave me the time to reconstruct my life with bricks of happiness.

To refresh myself, I gave myself a break and travelled to Udaipur. I left for Udaipur on Friday after office and reached there by Saturday morning. Udaipur, the City of Lakes, was a complete bliss with small lakes, serenity, small mountains, and most importantly, lots of peace. Travelling always cheers me up and removes all the negative vibes. That day I realised life is mesmerising. The rain in Udaipur fastened my heartbeat, the eternal peace, chirping birds, deep water, scenic beauty was all that I was searching for my whole life. I visited all the places and left the city on Sunday night. Monday morning, I was back in the office with positive vibes.

I started studying after office, it took fifteen days and I found a new job matching my profile. Yes, it was not so easy, but I put my heart into it. Lots of learning and countless sleepless nights later, I finally found myself with a job offer. And, fifteen days later I was in my new office. And, finally, I was doing work that I was always looking for. The technology that I had learnt in my four years of graduation was finally being put to use.

I keep my passion alive and do what I always wanted to do, that is, write after office hours. Yes, I am not a well-known writer because it is just the beginning, the beginning of my era. I have enjoyed many more trips after that – one to Nainital, Mukhteshwar, Ranikhet and another to Manali and Rohtang Pass. I am happy with what I am doing.

With time I have realised that true happiness is finding yourself. I spend nine and half hours in the office, two hours in writing and weekends are for me, for all the fun. I save 30% of my salary for the future, 20% for travelling and 50% in monthly expenses. I am still not ready for my 7 min visual clip, but yes I will be ready soon. I am not sure if there is something like this visual clip, but I am sure if I am going to live a long life then post twenty years, when I will turn back to look at the past, I will be smiling and saying that there is a lot more to go.

One should not run from themselves because life is like a Barf ka gola. It is nothing but a crushed ice ball soaked in a sweet syrup with a variety of colours and flavours with lemon and salt sprinkled all over it. You have to enjoy every flavour. Crush your sorrows, enjoy the sugar syrups of your life, taste the salt and lemon in your life and search for your inspiration.

-Tushita Raghuvanshi